SOMEWHERE
by Shinobi Mi-chan
Summary: A songfic with the song 'Somewhere' by Within Temptation. ItachiXDeidara, Itachi is dead. Told from Deidara's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Naruto and all its characters are created and own by Masashi Kishimoto. Song lyrics are also not owned by me and are from the song 'Somewhere' by Within Temptation.

A/N: I am very proud of this chappie... its relatively long (for me :P) and I wrote it in a very short amount of time. I also will actually be able to continue it, and if you had read any of my Shurtagul stuff, that in itself is amazing, LOL. I think it might of been a mistake to write it in present tense... that's kinda hard. If you notice a screw-up in the verb tenses, please tell me! Now just read it... yesss.... that's right...........

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* * *

****SOMEWHERE**

_/I'll find you SOMEWHERE _

_I'll keep on TRYING_

_Until my DYING DAY/_

Because I can't forget. My eyes slide closed, ever so softly, tears peeking from behind my lashes.

I am not weak. And I don't need anyone. And I don't need him. But I clutch his limp hand, because I do.

And I keep crying because I need him so much my heart aches with the pain of it.

_/I'll find you SOMEWHERE/_

I know you're still here. I just have to look hard enough.

_/I'll keep on TRYING/_

I'll never give up. I can't give up on you.

_/Until my DYING DAY/_

I'll find you somehow. I promise, we'll meet again, someday.

_/Lost in the DARKNESS/_

I am not lost, for you are my light. You'll keep the flame of my will burning, so brightly, at the end of the tunnel.

Somewhere. Anywhere. For you.

I pull myself to my feet and sigh. Below me lies blood. Blood and flesh and bones and muscle and life and tears and pain and love.....

Itachi.

I stare wordlessly at Itachi's body- I refuse to think of it as a corpse- and grumble to myself.

There's so. Much. Blood.

How the heck did Itachi's useless, stupid, annoying, little brother manage to kill him so brutally?

To break him so completely.

I angrily brush a strand of hair out of my eyes. Stupid hair- I should cut it. Shave it. Then it won't bother me anymore.

I also reach up to my face and brush away those useless tears, because crying won't bring Itachi back. Nothing will.

So maybe killing the younger Uchiha won't bring Itachi back either, but it would make me feel a lot better.

And I mean, come on, he's just lying there, practically waiting for me to just send something pointy through his heart. And he probably would die anyway, even if I just leave him there.

But I won't. I won't kill him, or even leave him there, because that's not what Itachi would want.

I bend down, reaching one hand under the unconscious 15-year-old's back and the other under his knees before hefting him up to carry him against my chest.

And just my luck, the stupid kid weighs a ton, and I'm _tired!_

I roll my eyes as I walk away from Itachi-and it feels like I'm turning my back on my life- and think, "What have I gotten myself into?"

* * *

_/Lost in the DARKNESS_

_Hoping for a sign_

_Instead there is only silence_

_Can't you hear my SCREAMS?/_

I trudge into the Akatsuki lair- and that's really the only word for it- and it's as dark and disgusting and dirty as I remember. Remind me, why did I join the Akatsuki, again? Oh Yeah. Because I didn't have a choice.

I stagger into my "room" – a.k.a. a small, dark, hole in the wall- and dump the Uchiha unceremoniously to the floor. He whimpers a little and clenches his sweaty hand around a corner of my robe.

Gah!

I look above me pleadingly, wondering what on Earth I must have done to deserve this.

But apparently the gods just don't like me, because instead of releasing me, the Uchiha's eyes flutter open.

Oh greeaat. He's waking up now.

And of course, the first word out of his mouth is: "Itachi..."

I resist the urge to strangle him.

After that admirable display of strength, I decide the Uchiha doesn't need to wake up, after all. I bonk him on the back of the neck and he makes a pathetic 'eep'ing noise and rolls over. Yep, and _that's _the last of the prestigious Uchiha clan.

My head snaps up suddenly as I hear a gentle knock on the door and a suspiciously cheery voice call, "Dinner!" As I hear the footsteps fade away, I sigh. Dinner is not a time to be taken lightly.

I narrow my eyes at the unconscious boy behind and try to will him into nothingness. Which unfortunately doesn't work. Ah well.

I hear lightly dancing footsteps outside my doorway and the voices calls again: "Dinner!" this time with a hint of danger in it.

I make a decision on the spot and throw my Akatsuki-style futon (Yes, I have a black futon with red clouds on it. Deal with it.) -over Sasuke and hope he doesn't suffocate. Stupid kid.

The doorknob rattles threateningly and I call out, exasperated, "Coming, Hidan, I'm _coming_!"

I rip open the door and he's grinning at me. Argh. I don't want to do this.

I stride past him down the hall and he has to jog to keep up. He rests a hand on shoulder and looks up into my eyes (tch--midget) and asks "Are you alright?"

I pull away and glower at him. I don't need or want his pity.

We come to the dining hall and I seat myself at the stupid table with stupid Pein at the stupid end. (No, I'm not bitter at all- now why would I be bitter?)

Pein waits for Hidan to be seated beside Kakuzu before in a grave voice, "We have lost a member."

Oh, joy. I really don't need to hear this speech. I consider leaving, but I've tried that before, and I'm fairly sure Hidan won't spare me this time. I compromise by zoning out for the majority of Pein's speech.

I am jolted out of my reverie by Pein saying my name. I glance up, hoping he won't ask if I'm alright.

Because I'm not.

To my relief, he doesn't inquire about my health. Instead, he asks, "Would you like to take care of the body?"

I freeze up, staring ahead for what feels like 10 minutes before I manage to gather up the strength to nod.

At least, I hope I nodded.

But Pein has already turned away, so I must have, or he just guessed my answer, which wouldn't really surprise me.

Everyone knows about our relationship, anyway. That's why their eyes are all on me, searching.

And suddenly I just can't stand it anymore.

I yank my chair out, stand up, and shove it back in. I turn around to stride out of the hall.

"I'll be in my room," I say, answering Pein's unspoken question.

Where else would I be?

Besides, I need to check if the Uchiha's still alive.

Unfortunately, I hear another chair scrape back. Irritably, I speed up in a feeble attempt to escape my mysterious follower.

I wait 'till we get to the hallway before turning to face whoever it is. Oh, great.

"Konan," I state carefully. I can't bring myself to call her by one of the stupid nicknames I've given her, revolving around the useless origami flower she wears in her hair. I can't. Not now.

She looks up at me through heavily painted eyes. "You called me by my name," she says softly.

"You've changed."

But I shake my head, because I haven't.

We just all have different ways of coping. And this is my way.


	2. Losing Grip

**A/N:Sorry this took so long, *hangs head* also it's not as long... and I suck at writing romance....I'm sooorrrry......**

**Chapter 2- Losing Grip**

/Lost in the DARKNESS

Try to find your way home

I want to embrace you

And never let you GO/

_I feel me eyes close softly, blond lashes resting against my pale skin. The breath that rushes through my lips is warm and gasping. Blush tints my cheeks, painting them a light pink._

_Itachi's rough fingertips touch my face, his calloused hand cupping my head. His lower fingers tickle my neck, the upper ones reaching for the back of my head. The fingers part my hair so gently, touching my scalp._

_The feel in the small room is incredible, and I can't stand it, can't stand to wait. My body curves to fit Itachi's and I clutch the young man to me, our lips connect and the effect is instantaneous. AS soon as the kiss begins a wild feeling like electricity races through me._

_I can practically hear it buzzing. But now Itachi is wrapped around me and I forget everything, because nothing matters except him._

_We break apart and I open my eyes. I take an unsteady breath and stare into those gleaming onyx eyes._

_Itachi sits back and a teasing smirk flashes across his lip. "You like that, huh?" he says softly, taking a strand of my hair and twisting it around his finger._

_I stare into his hypnotizing eyes and struggle to regain my composure. Yes, I like that. I like that a lot._

I am sprawled on my futon, limbs in every direction. I stare up to the ceiling with the dented light bulb hanging from it.

My breath comes out warm against my cheeks, and I think the window is open. As I stand up to close it, the cold night air wraps itself around me and I can feel the goose bumps spread over my pale thighs.

I reach the window and grip the sill, leaning out into the night. The moon is huge. It's not full, but it's close. It gives off so much light, and I can feel it on the curves of my face.

I sigh, slam down the window and pretend not to hear the loud crash that follows.

I walk softly to my bed, pulling back the covers and shoving my feet underneath them. I pull the covers up to my chin and shove my hands under my body in an attempt to warm them.

Oh God, how much I need him.

It's only been a day and already I feel like my heart is being ripped out. That is seriously Not Good.

I just can't accept it. It's like my brain knows he's dead, but my heart refuses to believe it.

I know he's here _somewhere, _I just can't give up. I just have to keep looking.

/Wherever you are

I won't stop SEARCHING/

I can feel the tears welling up, and I almost reach up to wipe them away, but what's the point.

It's not like there's anyone here to see.

So I stare into the darkness and let the tears fall. They slide down my face and onto the pillow.

Sometime during the night, my eyes close, and I drift off into an uneasy sleep.

I wake in the middle of the night, covered in sweat, from a nightmare.

All I can remember is that it involved blood. Or maybe that's all I want to remember.

But a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me exactly _who _that blood belonged to.

...Itachi...

My slide closed as I wait for the sick feeling to leave.

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling, falling and falling down a tunnel that just keeps getting narrower and narrower.

And then it starts to get harder to breath, and I panic, and I'm just falling and falling and never hitting the ground...

I'm starting to doubt I can make it through the night.

/Lost in the DARKNESS

Try to find your way home/

It is about two in the morning when I decide to raid Itachi's room.

I want to see him, but I cannot, so I must settle for seeing those memories.

I pull back the thick black covers and expose my legs once again to the cool night air. Putting my cold feet on the ground, I tiptoe over the still sleeping Uchiha to the closet and pull on an old green robe. He used to like this one.

I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. Memories haunt me.

Besides, I stayed up to ungodly hours administering medical treatment to a half dead boy. Stuff like that can really do you in.

It's not like I'm even good at that medical stuff.

Itachi would've been better. But then, Itachi actually _cared_.

Which is more than I can say.

But Itachi actually loved Sasuke, obviously more than he cared for me, to go and leave me all alone like that.

_//Stop it, Deidara,//_ says a little voice inside my head. _//You know he cared for you too, but he felt so guilty about what he did to Sasuke.//_

I tell it to shut up, and open the door, as quietly as possible.

_//And, family first, you know. // _the voice adds.

I roll my eyes. 'Family first? That'sso.....so...'

_//Old fashioned?//_

'Yeah...'

What, so now it's answering my thoughts?

_//Yep!//_ It says proudly.

I really hate that little voice. It's stupid and it sounds like a weird mixture of Pein and Hidan.

"Gimme a break," I say, out loud.

_//First sign of madness, talking to your own head,//_ Pein/Hidan/my conscience warns.

"Whatever," I mutter.

I walk the rest of the way in silence, hands shoved in my pockets and lost inside my thought.

I stop in front of Itachi's door and take a deep breath. I've done this a thousand times but suddenly I'm so nervous.

I place my hand on the doorknob, turn slowly to the right, and push inwards. The door swings open with an eerie "creeaak."

And suddenly I see _Itachi, sitting on the bed bent over his favorite picture of his family. Black hair hangs in strands, obscuring his face. His eyes are clouded and sad. I tap my foot impatiently, and he looks up, his eyes widening and his sullen face breaking into a smile as he sees who it is. _

_I love the fact that I can bring that beautiful smile to his face._

_I grin back and run towards him._

/I want to embrace you

And never let you GO/

**Please review and thank you for reading! ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. It was WAY harder than I thought it would be to write. And, yeah, the whole thing _is _a flashback. Sorry. The next chappie should be up in a couple of days to a week. Ja!**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

/I just need to know

Whatever has happened

The truth will free my SOUL/

_I've just come back from a mission, and I'm covered in blood and sweat. My art can be pretty messy._

_Really, all I want to do is take a shower._

_I am stripping off my torn and dirty Akatsuki robe when I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn._

_It's Pein, and he has a slightly concerned look on his face. "Do you know," he says, pausing. "Where Itachi might be."_

_I can feel my eyes widening in shock. "He—he's gone?"_

_Pein surveys me calmly with those freaky eyes. "Yes- or at least, we can't find him."_

_Oh, crap._

_Before I even realize it, I am running, running so fast._

_Because I know where Itachi might be. _

_My trained feet carry me, pounding the ground in my effort to reach his room._

_I hope, against hope, I'm wrong._

_My feet bring me to Itachi's room. I suck in a breath and grip the doorknob. _

_I turn and shove the door open, slamming it closed behind me._

_My eyes fly to the closet first. The wood-paneled doors are open and there are several empty hangers._

_Crap. _

_I turn to the neatly made bed shoved into a corner of the room; gray eyes resting on a slip of paper held down by a thin metal circle. A necklace._

_I pick up the paper first. It's a little bent, like the person who put it here was in a hurry._

_He probably was._

_I stare at the small word, written with blue pen in simple hiragana. _

_Itachi knows I'm no good with Kanji. _

_Sorry._

_That's al it says._

_No more. Not even "I love you."_

_The pain starts in my chest, like a steady, throbbing beat._

_I move to pick up the necklace, grasping the cold metal in my hand._

_It's the necklace, the one he always wore._

_I think he little brother gave it to him._

_I stare down at the silver necklace clasped tightly in my fisted hand. It only takes a second for me to make the decision. _

_I run all the way back to Pein._

_He is standing at the entrance with an expectant look on his face, as if was waiting for me. Knowing Pein, and his psychic tendencies, he probably was._

"_I'm going after him," I say, slightly out of breath from running to Itachi's room and back._

_I pick up my bag of clay from where I dropped it when I came back from my mission and sling it over my shoulder._

_The Akatsuki leader just nods, which is rather disconcerting. _

_I take off, jumping from limb to limb. I can feel his eyes on my back the whole way, even after I'm out of eyeshot._

_I see the wreckage of the battle long before I get there. Thick black smoke billows from the pale gray concrete that was once the roof of a building. I see a moving black smudge that is probably Itachi's Amaterasu. _

_I speed up, though the heavy bag of clay is weighing me down, and I'm already worn out from my mission._

_But that doesn't matter right now._

_Nothing matters if I make it in time._

_And I do. Just in time to see the last bloody scene unfold._

_Pain rips through my chest as Itachi spends his last strength, reaching up to place his two fingers on his younger brother's forehead._

_Sasuke's eyes widen as Itachi's bleeding eyes slide closed, and his body arches in a gentle curve, falling backwards._

_I catch him as he falls. His body hits me like a rock, his limbs going limp. A small, gentle, smile graces his lips._

_It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and someone is now ferociously stomping on it._

_My teeth clench on instinct against the agony threatening to overpower my defenses._

_The deep slashing wound I received on my shoulder did not hurt nearly as much._

"_Itachi," the word slips from lips. The pain inside builds up into rough, irrational anger. "Damn you, Itachi! You can't die!"_

_I reach down and grip his dirty right hand, pressing down on the blue veins. No pulse._

_My breath quickens as I place my palm on his chest. _

_There's nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing._

_He's gone. I know it. But he can't be, and I refuse._

_No, no, no! _

_The sky seems to turn a brilliant red, and the world starts to tear apart at the edges._

_There is a thud as Sasuke passes out, collapsing onto the ground facedown. _

_The pain that has been gathering inside ever since Pein gave me the news rises to a peak. A strangled cry builds in my throat, and I clutch Itachi to me._

_I scream. The sound is strangely amplified as time seems to stand still._

_A pulse begins, deep inside the Earth. Each thudding beat seems to burst my eardrums._

_It is like a bomb, ticking away the seconds until I explode._

_The world ceases to have a meaning as I start to close in on myself._

_Itachi._

_I squeeze my eyes shut and hope the nightmare ends._

_I need you._

_/ The truth will free my SOUL/_

_

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**Thank you for reading. I'll love you forever if you review!!!**

**Ja ne....**


	4. Breaking Point

A/N: OMG, I am SO SORRY for the huge break. It's seriously not all my fault! My computer got a virus and was out of commision for a while. So sorry.

* * *

Breaking Point

_/Almost hope you're in Heaven_

_So no one can hurt your soul/_

My feet sink into the soft ground, my once blue-gray sandals splattered with fresh dirt.

With a sigh, I impale the earth with my shovel and survey my newly dug hole. And try not to act like I've just dug a grave for the one person I've ever really cared about in my whole, worthless, life.

It looks big enough.

It better be, cuz I'm done digging.

A droplet of water lands on the bridge of my nose and I stare up into the sky. I know it's a dismal gray, but it doesn't seem that way. Ever since _that_ day, the world has seemed bright, so painfully bright. I can hardly bear to look at it.

I turn to the simple wooden coffin in which Itachi lies. I fixed up his body as best I could and dressed him in clean clothes.

The large robe covers his wounds, and he looks so peaceful, his dying smile on his face.

I crouch down and dig my fingers under the unfinished wood of the coffin and struggle to lift it. I want to do this alone.

Splinters of wood pierce my fingers as I stagger over to the hole, dropping to my knees and lowering the wooden box into darkness.

I carefully pick out the splinter, and am in the middle of piling the dirt over the coffin before I realize that I'm crying. Again.

This is becoming something of an unpleasant habit.

The tears continue to flow, and I am so glad I came alone.

Sitting in the middle of a forest beside a partly covered grave, I finally release the overwhelming sadness. My body shaking and desperate wracking my frame, I let it out. Let myself cry in the hope that that will make it less painful in the end.

But when it's finally over, it's not. Not any better. Actually, it's worse.

I hung everything on Itachi, and opened up to him, and because of that, it feels as if there's a gaping wound inside me.

Its edges burn, and I can't staunch the blood.

I bend down, wrapping my arms around my chest in an effort to suppress the agony that threatens to break me in two.

It is a long time before I can even sit up again.

Shaking, I rise to my feet and start pushing the remaining dirt over the coffin with my foot.

Gripping the rusted metal handle of the shovel, I pull it out and turn, striding off.

I don't look back, because a markerless, freshly dug grave is not what I want to remember. I reach the nearest tree and leap up, gripping the thick branch and propelling my feet upward. Jumping from tree to tree, I run, trying to escape what this has brought me. But this feeling is something I can't outrun.

As I reach the Akatsuki base, I slow to a walk.

I remember the first time I came through this entrance.

_I stumble, my foot catching on a loose rock. A heavy hand on my shoulder rights me. To afraid to look up at him, I feel his hot, putrid breath against the curves of my pale face. My hands tied together behind my back, I turn instead to look at the man on my left._

_He is thinner, shorter, and less muscular than his companion; not nearly as intimidating. Yet he is the one who got my into this mess, him and those beautiful, maddening, red eyes._

_My hands pull against their bonds, because more than anything I want to feel those eyes explode underneath my palms. The clay in my arm pulses violently, because I want to kill them, feel their thick, hot, blood splatter against my face._

_I want to kill them all._

_But of course I won't, because I am weak, infuriatingly weak._

_But I won't be weak for long. If there's one thing I get out this whole experience, it will be strength._

_One day those red eyes will look up into my gray ones with fear, instead of the other way around._

_The hatred cursing through my veins now will burst through, and his blood will stain the floor. _

I am not entirely sure how Itachi went from being my most hated person to being my most precious person.

It probably would've been easier, and definitely more sensible, if I had kept on hating him.

But I have never been sensible, and have always made things difficult for myself.

So that's it, now (all there is) as I stride down the hallway.

I walk past people (push back people) as I go, but aren't there, not really. They're just smears of color and shape and sound.

Some of them try to speak to me; try to touch me, reaching out with their hands like claws.

I pull back, crouching away from them, pressing into myself. I wrap my arms around myself, hard enough to hold my self together (hard enough to break me).

I barely make it to my room before collapsing onto my knees, once again. I don't think I can do it, don't think I can uphold this façade any longer, and I don't want to try anymore.

The cracks have been there, always, or at least for a very long time. But I've also always thought I've done a good job of hiding it, of stitching up those cracks.

The stitches are falling, now, ripping, tearing, unraveling.

My vision is red, red as the stormy sun, red as the blood that splatters, red as _those eyes._

When a person dies, they leave something; leave their _people_, their precious people, behind.

I am still here.

Is that what I am?

No, never.

Slowly the red starts to retreat, slinking back to the corners of my eyesight and crouching just behind my vision.

I stand, suddenly cold. The pain is gone, or at least, I can't feel. But then, I don't feel anything, right now.

I've become numb.

There is one matter of business I need to attend to, and I calmly walk over to the closet.

Placing my hand on the door, I wrench it open, strength evident in the sharp, quick, movement. He stares up at me with shaded eyes, gag still firmly in place.

I look down at him and smirk, as if daring him to comment on my tearstained face.

I lift him and sling him backwards over my shoulder, lean arms wrapping around his legs.

I bend slightly at the knees, pulling open the back door that only I have. I put it in myself, because I didn't trust the Akatsuki (I still don't) and I wanted a handy escape route if needed.

It's a short, hidden door, usually behind my desk.

Crouching down, I crawl through the small entryway; ignoring the fact that Sasuke's head is scraping the top of the door frame.

As I step outside, bright sunlight hits my face, warming my cheek; but it's only a meaningless physical sensation, and right now I can't make it seem like anything else.

And I don't want to, either; because that'd mean showing the pain and I can't do that, can't let Sasuke see.

I'll be fine, soon. In a few days I'll be laughing and joking just like before. I recover fast, and have for a while, because if I didn't I probably wouldn't be alive.

(a long time ago I stopped waiting for the red to abate, and settled for seeing it, ever present, at the corners of my eyes)

So I see the world through a red haze as I dump the Uchiha unceremoniously to the ground and watch him clamber to his feet. He glowers at me, apparently having regained some of his inherit pride.

His eyes flash Sharingan, red as my vision. I fix him with a steely gray stare until he reverts back to his normal black. His red eyes remind me to much of another's, and on his face—I am not having that.

Still staring straight at him, I slice through his bindings with one chakra-enhanced sweep of my hand.

"Go," I tell him, and "I don't care where the hell you go as long as it's far away for here and you never come back."

"Like I _would_" he sneers, thick and angry and so unlike his brother. But broken, still, like all of us.

I want to slug him, hard, make him feel the pain for a change. More than anything I want to make him regret that he murdered Uchiha Itachi.

But I don't infuriatingly weak and inclined to believe in ridiculous things like the afterlife as I am.

"Well," I say briskly. "Run along, then."

"I was just going," he says, and turns to do so.

I stare silently at his retreating back for a moment; but the obnoxious loudmouth within me is _so_ not letting him get away with the last word.

"Remember, Sasuke. be a good boy and open your legs for Orochimaru!" I call loudly.

Oops.

This, apparently, was the wrong thing to say, because he spins around to face me, eyes flashing a dangerous red.

Now _that's_ a color I love.

"I'm not—he isn't—" He spits, anger making him incoherent.

I smirk. I've heard weird stories of Orochimaru before, of course, strange fetishes and such. But I never thought they were true, not really.

"Oohh…looks like I've hit a nerve, Sasuke-" I debate over it a moment before adding:"-kun!"

Sasuke stares hate at me, hate and fury and something that might just be pain.

"Shut…up…" he says, sounding strangely strangled.

And I would, if I was the kind of person who liked playing Peacekeeper.

But I'm not, and I want to fight, now more than ever.

"Aren't…aren't you a bit old for him?" I ask, any hesitation purposeful.

His eyes open freakishly wide for a second before narrowing. The black in his Sharingan eyes spins, morphing into-

Oh, crap.

I hadn't realized that he has Mangekyou now. But it makes sense, I guess, in a twisted Uchiha sort of way.

One translation is: _To obtain Mangekyou Sharingan, you must slay your closest friend._

But, Itachi told me, on one of the long sleepless nights; it was much simpler than that, coming down only to spilled blood.

_To achieve the Mangekyou Sharingan, you must spill the life blood of an Uchiha or of one loved by an Uchiha._

So it made sense, his curse, the ultimate curse of sacrifice.

I tear my eyes away from his, dropping my gaze to his feet. I trained against Itachi enough times to have mastered this technique fairly well, and Sasuke hasn't used these eyes before, so I should be okay.

There is a soft "shirrrk-"ing noise as Sasuke draws his blade.

I wasn't planning to fight, and have no weapons of the sort, but I do have my clay and my hands, and that'll be enough.

I grin as I reach a hand towards the pouch on my hip.

"Just remember—you asked for it, un!"

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End file.
